Saturday, 11 February 2012

You guys don't even know

You guys don't even know how POWERFUL the Slender Man is.
Like: Picture one of those foam mattresses they put a wine glass on, then toss a bowling ball onto it. The wine glass doesn't fall over because the mattress is so comfy and soft.
But if you threw the Slender Man onto the mattress, that wine glass would be knocked the fuck over.

Or picture Schrodinger's Cat. You put a cat into a box with a deadly gas canister that has a 50/50 chance of releasing its gas and killing it. That means the cat is neither dead or alive until someone opens the box up. But if you opened up a box with the Slender Man in it, you'd have a 100% chance of being dead.

Or take that scenario where you have a chicken, some corn and a fox. You can only carry one across a river at a time, but if you can't leave the fox with the chicken or the chicken with the corn. But if you had the Slender Man instead of the chicken, you'd best get the fuck out of there.

Or if you have train A going at a speed of 200 miles per hour, 500 miles out of Memphis, and train B going at a speed of 150 miles per hour, 300 miles out of Memphis, the Slender Man would already be in Memphis.

And that's just the tip of the iceberg. That sunk the Titanic.


  1. Your analogy misses an important detail, however. If you had Slender Man instead of the fox, then he would be powerless. Because everyone knows that the Slender Man fears chickens. Scientifically proven.

  2. don't you mock me with your science. you know i don't believe in all that sciency stuff

    the titanic sunk because of the horrible movie - the ripples it made it time echoed backward and the sink couldn't stand the fact that it would be in such a stupid movie, so it steered itself into an iceberg.

    an iceberg made of SLENDER MAN.

    and that's a fact.

    1. the ship couldn't stand...damn typos.

      oh no, that means HE is near.

      he sits outside your window waiting for you to make a typographical mistake and then

      and then

      he CORRECTS you.

      oh god.

    2. With the power of a nuclear spellchecker.

    3. it spits out split infinitives and then, if you end your sentence on a preposition, it will irradiate you and you with die a horrible, lingering death.

  3. really? I've never heard of th3 Dapper Gentleman having such abilities as you have spoken of. S0 whErE did they take that fr0m?

    Stay frosty.

    1. oh, it's not the slender man that corrects your spelling. it's his brother, his evil, evil brother...the grammar man.

      they say, instead of a face, he has an interrobang.

  4. You don't know how fucked the Slender Man is.

    As soon as I grab this can of tango and throw it at him.

    you see that white faceless head of his.

    it's about to get Tango'd

    .......when he shows up. and i stop chickening out.


    1. orangelight, you are too touchy. touchy touchy touchy.

      also: you are too obsessed with tango.

    2. You'd be touchy too if you fell into a factory vat of orange juice, staining your skin forever orange. All because..of the Runnerman.

      He made me what I am.